In this day and age, individuality and uniqueness are praised with positivity. However, in contrast, the pressure to live up to typical sexual ideals is still very much prevalent. The “hook-up” culture is at an all-time high as meaningless sexual encounters become something of the norm within society. Sticking to what you firmly believe is right tends to be difficult when you feel pressure not to disappoint your peers.
All around us we are constantly reminded that being seemingly willing in terms of your sexual persona, is what continues to rule. Social media dominates the minds of most. Tinder, Snapchat and Instagram are the avenues for easy access to new relationships and connections with surface depth and shallow meaning. It is not cool to be cautious and careful with your heart and body in this generation. What a sad thought that is to entertain.
Cherishing an intimate moment and making it meaningful goes out the window when the lines are even slightly blurred. To feel someone without touching them is seen as absurd. To know someone’s soul before you know the curvature of their inner thigh is a mindset that only a few possess. It is more common than not that when venturing into a new relationship with someone, sex plays a major part.
But what about those who believe that a mental connection is more important? The idea that a strong mental connection is most necessary and that it overshadows the importance of physical chemistry is one that not many believe to be true.
In a simple survey, eight out of 10 students on the Palomar College San Marcos campus agreed they would rather have great sex and no mental connection with their significant other, than participate in a relationship in which the sex life was mediocre but consisted of a strong mental connection filled with stimulating conversations and a mutual understanding of each other’s mindset.
The walls of house parties and dorm rooms are continuing to see more empty, meaningless physical connections, and college students use sex and physical intimacy as a way to fill a void that they believe cannot be filled otherwise. Hooking up is now seen as a rite of passage and a necessary step to becoming desirable.
For men, the higher your number of sexual endeavors, the more you are praised. For women, the better you are in bed, the more you are seen as a potential love interest in the long term.
In today’s society, if you find yourself in a sexual or romantic situation that you do not necessarily feel is right for you at that time, you are wrongfully looked at as peculiar or prudish for simply changing up the atmosphere, cutting the sexual tension and vocalizing that you are not ready. What if he doesn’t call me again? What if she thinks I am not capable of satisfying her? What if my friends judge me?
The same goes for both young men and women. The internal questions that develop in our minds during these moments can be overwhelming. This sense of pressure happens through the buildup of societal sexual expectations, through social media and the subconscious need we all feel to be socially accepted by our peers and those whom we are interested in.
In turn, we reluctantly cave to the pressure and decide to follow through with a decision that could have simply waited.
What many have yet to realize is that there can be something extremely intimate and sensual about knowing someone from a mentally deep perspective before the physical aspect comes into play. To connect with someone on a deeper level than just sexual chemistry is a rarity that not enough people appreciate.
There is a beauty and strength that resonates from people who know that they can satisfy their partner on another level before they have ever touched their body.
There should be more emphasis put on the importance of establishing a mentally and emotionally strong connection in a relationship. Though the physical aspect plays a significant role in any romantic relationship, the same amount of significance should be placed on a bond that goes beyond physicality.
If society and social media turned more towards the promotion of self-assurance and mental intimacy, before the idea of male sexual dominance and female submissiveness, maybe more people would be in long lasting relationships and would not find themselves in uncomfortable situations where they give nothing more than a reluctant “yes” at best.