Paging Dr. B
Katie Wilson

Always
Keep cigarettes handy.
Never
Pay your taxes.
Enjoy sex,
Liberally,
With both genders.
Alcholism is
Classic.
Meth is déclassé.
Psychedelics
Can make your
Writing
Hyper-religious
Mental masturbation,
But some people
Like that.
Cocaine can
Motivate.
Pills are strictly
For housewives
And club kids.
Heroin can be
Unpretentious
And a realistic
Withdrawal scene can
Make readers squirm.

Cultivate
Depression
By sabotating love
And listening to jazz.
Collect
Neuroses
Like Kant,
And
Aspire to
Your very own
Psychotic break,
A la Burroughs.
Rehabs
Are ripe with
Characters
But sampling
Sanatoriums
Goes further.
A creatively
Attempted
Suicide
Can fill your first
Novel,
But in
The footsteps of
Hemingway,
Thompson,
And Plath,
Suicide should be
Reserved for the
Finale.

You must hate
Your abusive father,
Especially if he’s famous.
Befriend revolutionaries
And
A drag queen or two.
Protest a war,
Or better,
Serve in a war.
Drafts can create
Exquisite
Conflict,
Though being a
Child soldier is
Guaranteed to get
You a best-seller,
Assuming you learned to read.
Live in Europe,
Or Africa,
Or skid row.
Spend time
In prison,
Preferably as
A political prisoner.
Death row
Will work, too.

Stare too long
At the sun,
Look into the face
Of God,
And sit
And work
Everyday
To spread the good news.