Little Red Riding Hood and the Pernicious Wolf

by A. Wolf

Many years ago there lived a precocious little girl who always wore a cape and hood made of bright red wool.  For this reason she was called Little Red Riding Hood.  It so happened that one day her grandmother, who lived in a remote house on the other side of the woods, was afflicted with the flu.  Red Riding Hood's mother asked her to carry a basket replete with provisions to the octogenarian to ensure she would not suffer from malnutrition and become emaciated. Off through the tranquil woods went the little girl with alacrity, singing a happy song to herself as she skipped along.

She had not gone very far when the hapless little girl met a furtive wolf. 

"Good day, my little maid," said the wolf, bowing politely. "And where are you off to this lovely spring morning?" 

Red Riding Hood explained that she was carrying a plethora of goodies to her sick and indigent grandmother. 

"Oh dear," said the wolf, "I am sorry to hear that the old lady is not well. Hurry along, little one, and give her my condolences and best wishes for a speedy recovery." 

And with that, the wolf was off. He lost no time by taking a shortcut through the dense forest where there was no paucity of incipient spring flowers. He arrived at the grandmother's house well ahead of Red Riding Hood. Bursting in upon the poor old lady, he quickly jostled her into an indiscriminate cupboard and locked the door, repudiating her pleas for mercy. 

"Now to make myself ready for Red Riding Hood's visit," he said with a grin. "It will only take a minute."

With duplicity, he hurried into the bedroom and in a clandestine manner exchanged his clothes for the grandmother's lace nightcap and gown. Then he jumped forthwith into bed and pulled the covers up to his chin. 

"The poor simple dupe will never perceive that I am not her grandmother, but a voracious wolf," he said, and the culprit settled down to wait for Little Red Riding Hood.

Presently there was a knock on the door. 

"Come in, my dear," said the unethical wolf in a tremulous little old lady voice. "You'll find me in the bedroom." 

"Why, Grandmother," cried Red Riding Hood as she came up to the bed, "what big eyes you have!" 

"All the better to discern you, my dear," said the wolf with a smile. 

"And Grandmother," said the little girl, "what big ears you have!"

"All the better to know if you are voluble, my child" said the wolf with an enhanced and compounded smile.

By now, Little Red Riding Hood was feeling a bit intimidated. Her grandmother had never looked so incongruous before! 

Then she said, "But grandmother, what big teeth you have!"

And with that, the wolf jumped out of bed in a paroxysm and yelled, "All the better to masticate you with, my child!"

Then he began chasing after Red Riding Hood. 

"Help! Help!" she implored as she ran to escape, bristling with fear and gesticulating all the way out the door.

Fortunately, Red Riding Hood's vigilant father (who was an eminent marksman in the township) was avidly hunting in the woods nearby. Upon hearing her cries, he sallied forth into the house. In an intrepid move, and with no offer of impunity, he shot the egregious wolf. The gunshot reverberated throughout the house. He then rushed to give solace to this frightened little child.

"But what has happened to my poor grandmother?" asked Red Riding Hood acrimoniously as soon as she had recovered. "Do you suppose she has succumbed to the wolf?"

Just then they were cognizant of a great thumping in the cupboard, and when the father had opened the door, out tumbled the little old lady, distraught, but safe and sound! I'm sure we can concur that Red Riding Hood will be reticent the next time a wolf accosts her in the woods.

Bonus Essay: Prepare your bonus essay at home and bring it with you to turn in prior to taking Vocab. Quiz #3. Write a brief essay or short story similar to the word searches in 1100 Words. Use as many of the vocabulary words we have studied in weeks 1 - 8 as you are able. Remember, though,  not to sacrifice clarity or coherence in order to squeeze in an extra word. Underline each vocabulary word as it occurs in your essay or story. When you have finished, count all the vocab words you were able to use and write the total count at the top of the page. You will receive 1 extra credit / bonus point for each word correctly used in your writing.

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